Life gets difficult ,sometimes a lot I always question my Almighty for every small happenings in my life .Often i talk about Mental health and also practice mental health occupational therapy ,ignoring the fact that i don't have guts to share with anyone how i feel within.My biggest weakness over years has been not being able to ask for help even when i am breaking down and need somebody to hear me out .My friends reach out to enquire ,insist and pressurize me to talk and then i utter a few words .But today breaking this weakness of my mine for the first time ever in my life i am writing my thoughts so clear.I have always put up my worry in the form of articles and poems which is always difficult to decipher .But here is what i want to share on my blog .There have been phases that has led me to extreme lowness and even the people around me including my parents were not able to pick up whats going on with me .I am a person who always laughs and keeps talking ,but there was a time due to the stress of my career and the pressure from people over settling down broke me completely .There has been comparisons from a few known people ,my dear ones falling severely ill and my mother's constant medical issues and certain more conflicts that slipped me in to loneliness and emotionally fragile .It affected my confidence miserably .People around me have said certain things that echoes in my mind all time.It made me weak.Whenever people spoke to me of being post graduate ranker or my juniors called me for advises it evoked an extreme guilt of failure .It was weird .I couldn't take compliments on any of my talent .Be it writing or oration or anything else .I was or rather still go in self doubt.People look at me as a very confident girl who can do anything but i know how broke i was once .My confidence was a fake mirror but i was yet confident .My smile and laughter was for the happiness of my close ones.I cried when nobody was watching me.I started settling my mind to be less ambitious ,to compromise on my dreams .I had a struggle to make my end meet .My family is the most precious treasure and anything affecting anyone scratched a wound in me.Juggling in between responsibilities and working on a start up i am unable to handle my state of mind .I go quiet ,just sit and read or write poems.And the worst thing that happens then is people near me saying "Khush raha Karo,What less do you have ,keep smiling "
I dont understand why its difficult to realize just like the way body gets fever on exertion,mind can go depressed on extreme stress .A person with fever is asked to take medicines and rest .But a mind that is low is asked to cheerup and move around.Why nobody questions or tries to find the reason behind the silence .Why can't it be normal to feel sad and express it just like the way we share happiness .Mood swings is a different talk ,i am referring to a constant lowness .I am writing this because i have felt it .And i know every second person goes through it .Feeling to end life ,frustration ,fights ,crying ,loneliness are all the symptoms of Constant Lowness .Its just that nobody talks of it .Because it signifies how weak you are .I always thought the same moreover i hate sympathy so i never speak of my problems because i can't take pity .However i realized strength lies in accepting you can feel sad ,sharing with right people ,developing self help strategies and above all Belief on Almighty .My faith on Allah and Ahlubayt a.s has made me alhamdolillah so strong that i can go through the tests of my Lord .I have failed many times but there is door of repentence always open to learn something and evolve as a better person .I don't look at myself emotionally weak but my strength lies in my faith .I am not diagnosed with clinical depression but my mental health keeps fluctuating and i struggle with it ,just like 90℅ of the people.
I bow in gratitude to Almighty for blessing me with countless tests to make me more empathetic .I always wondered why can't i enjoy life just like my friends but grasses are always green other side .Also i always question my Lord What is the purpose of my Life ?and When he testifies me i cry and crib !This realization has helped me in the toughest of time and my only advise to fellow youngsters is to hold on .Life gets tough in different ways but there is a purpose to it .Resorting to wrong means of survival will only make your present more tough .Keep Moving ,This too shall pass!
-SSW
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