The Cocoon

When the clouds get too dark to see a sight,

And life builds a state of hopeless plight.

When the going gets too tough to just move on

And tell the people behind silence nothing is wrong!

When there is a turmoil of tides rising a storm,

And the blank face smiles keeping it too calm.

When there is a heap of work but the mind is low,

And restless, just like a ball juggling in a show !

Its tough its difficult to carry on so quiet ,

When the inner self knows it to be too shy.

To call, to ask, to tell someone i can't go on

The most difficult state is to share the thorn 

What pricks me hard is i just cannot ,

Even after every effort can't reach for a call.

This struggle is deep to let it out to be known 

Pulling it together just a string is shown

When the coccon in hiding gets too dark,

It is a challenge to come out of all!

Just a thought to hold on with time,

Sails off the miseries of the weeping mind!

-SSW

Sailing through the wind

Life gets difficult ,sometimes a lot I always question my Almighty for every small happenings in my life .Often i talk about Mental health and also practice mental health occupational therapy ,ignoring the fact that i don't have guts to share with anyone how i feel within.My biggest weakness over years has been not being able to ask for help even when i am breaking down and need somebody to hear me out .My friends reach out to enquire ,insist and pressurize me to talk and then i utter a few words .But today breaking this weakness of my mine for the first time ever in my life i am writing my thoughts so clear.I have always put up my worry in the form of articles and poems which is always difficult to decipher .But here is what i want to share on my blog .There have been phases that has led me to extreme lowness and even the people around me including my parents were not able to pick up whats going on with me .I am a person who always laughs and keeps talking ,but there was a time due to the stress of my career and the pressure from people over settling down broke me completely .There has been comparisons from a few known people ,my dear ones falling severely ill and my mother's constant medical issues and certain more conflicts that slipped me in to loneliness and emotionally fragile .It affected my confidence miserably .People around me have said certain things that echoes in my mind all time.It made me weak.Whenever people spoke to me of being post graduate ranker or my juniors called me for advises it evoked an extreme guilt of failure .It was weird .I couldn't take compliments on any of my talent .Be it writing or oration or anything else .I was or rather still go in self doubt.People look at me as a very confident girl who can do anything but i know how broke i was once .My confidence was a fake mirror but i was yet confident .My smile and laughter was for the happiness of my close ones.I cried when nobody was watching me.I started settling my mind to be less ambitious ,to compromise on my dreams .I had a struggle to make my end meet .My family is the most precious treasure and anything affecting anyone scratched a wound in me.Juggling in between responsibilities and working on a start up i am unable to handle my state of mind .I go quiet ,just sit and read or write poems.And the worst thing that happens then is people near me saying "Khush raha Karo,What less do you have ,keep smiling " 

I dont understand why its difficult to realize just like the way body gets fever on exertion,mind can go depressed on extreme stress .A person with fever is asked to take medicines and rest .But a mind that is low is asked to cheerup and move around.Why nobody questions or tries to find the reason behind the silence .Why can't it be normal to feel sad and express it just like the way we share happiness .Mood swings is a different talk ,i am referring to a constant lowness .I am writing this because i have felt it .And i know every second person goes through it .Feeling to end life ,frustration ,fights ,crying ,loneliness are all the symptoms of Constant Lowness .Its just that nobody talks of it .Because it signifies how weak you are .I always thought the same moreover i hate sympathy so i never speak of my problems because i can't take pity .However i realized strength lies in accepting you can feel sad ,sharing with right people ,developing self help strategies and above all Belief on Almighty .My faith on Allah and Ahlubayt a.s has made me alhamdolillah so strong that i can go through the tests of my Lord .I have failed many times but there is door of repentence always open to learn something and evolve as a better person .I don't look at myself emotionally weak but my strength lies in my faith .I am not diagnosed with clinical depression but my mental health keeps fluctuating and i struggle with it ,just like 90℅ of the people.

 I bow in gratitude to Almighty for blessing me with countless tests to make me more empathetic .I always wondered why can't i enjoy life just like my friends but grasses are always green other side .Also i always question my Lord What is the purpose of my Life ?and When he testifies me i cry and crib !This realization has helped me in the toughest of time and my only advise to fellow youngsters is to hold on .Life gets tough in different ways but there is a purpose to it .Resorting to wrong means of survival will only make your present more tough .Keep Moving ,This too shall pass!

-SSW

I want to praise my Lord and HIS Might, slwt
I am broken to gather my scattered self
Look at his beauty,
I can't think of any other help,
I can't look at any other door ,
I want to move away from HIM ,
That hopeless i am from within.
Yet my soul navaigates to Salah
It bows down to HIS majesty and power
My mind is turning atheist though
Yet my heart is sinking in his bleesing's shore.
How blessed i am to be able to stand,
And tell HIM that i am also your child,
O Allah you have left me where ,
Your child is lost in the market of Life
She wants to hold your hand in this walk
And ask you happily "i want this and that "
I want you to smile and look at me
Say Ok dear i will grant your wish.
O Allah you have left me lonely crying
Out of my sight i don't know where to find.
I don't know the way , where to go ,
I can only call you loud in my soul.
All my energy flows in tears though,
People ask me shall i help or tell me what,
I look up and say 'It is already told to ONE',
You know it all and You feel it though,
I have never been this testified before.
Praise to my lord HE knows it all,
With heavy heart i am letting it go!
I bow in prostration to say my gratitude,
My broken self stands back in HOPE!

-SSW